Wednesday, May 26, 2010


This week is moving right along. School is done tomorrow! Summer school starts on Tuesday and goes through July 1st and then school starts again on August 9th. Does summer seem like it is already over? As if you don't already know I am a planner. I set out with a calendar this past weekend to plan out our summer weekends. (don't laugh) I have a three month plan, a one year plan, a five year plan. I plan what I am going to do every day with my students, I like to plan our meals, and parties, and days out, and vacations. I like having a plan, it brings me comfort to know what is coming next.

Infertility is something I did not plan for and something that is not going according to my plan and that is tough for me. It is hard for me to open up my hands and let go of my plan and let God pursue His plan. It is a daily struggle, hourly struggle, thought by thought struggle. It hurts, take trust, and just plain sucks some days. Some days I just question God, and other days I am praising Him for forcing me to take this journey. Ahh, I just wish it was not such a difficult road.

However, I know that I am not traveling this road alone. First off just like the poem there are some days when there are two sets of footprints in the sand, and some days there is one. My hand is always being held by Jon and other days it is Jesus. I am struggling but I also have hope. I am 'pregnant' with hope as my Bible Study says. I am hopeful, hope is some days the only thing that allows me to get through the day without tears. Hope the one simple word that stirs up so much inside of me. The light at the end of the tunnel the reason I open my hands and let go of my plan each day.

1 comment:

  1. I love "pregnant with hope"!!! That's cool. God IS carrying you through all of this! I completely trust that he is growing you, pushing you, molding you. Even though, I don't know how you feel right now... My brother waited 4 years for their baby girl... even adopting doesn't go as PLANNED!! They now have her and her middle name is HOPE!! :)