Today is a big day. It is the first day of my last IUI process. As I read through other infertility blogs, they were filled with so many letters, medicines, doses that I did not understand and I thought I knew about this stuff, that I will keep all medical stuff simple. First off, I am not all about broadcasting my medical history to the World Wide Web, and second, does it really add creditability to my account? Therefore, IUI is the same as artificial insemination, which for me stands for relatively cheap and easy. The whole IUI process started with farm animals mainly cows, which does just really make me feel cheap and easy, but again it is the first in many steps. Either way this is the third IUI we have tried and therefore the last. Research shows that if you are going to get pregnant with an IUI it will happen in the first 3 tries.
So my thoughts on this…..first off I am nervous. Very nervous. I think nervous is just a politically correct/Christian way to say I am scared to death that this will not work and we have to start down the next more expensive, more invasive road. Secondly, I am hopeful, that maybe just maybe this will work and we will have to start down the next equally scary road. Either way, I know today that God knows what path we will be taking in 16 more days and I am trying to be at peace with that.
As I checked my email over the weekend, I got the most wonderful new perspective on our journey. My former Bible Study leader, who I adore, emailed with "the challenge is to look at this as, 'what does God want me to do now, before children'...". Now that is a Godly woman! She has seen me grow up in a way, starting Bible Study with her at the tender age of 22 and wow, I am still learning from her. Therefore what does God want me to do now? Write a blog, call a friend, praise Him, plant a tree? (for all of my Lutheran readers)
As I search for the answers, which will never come as easily as the multiple questions that I pose each day, I guess that is the main one and quite possibly may be the main one forever. Therefore if I am going to do some soul searching, so are you…What does God want you to do now?
PS: I was up and at it at 5:00 today to hit the treadmill. The gym was packed! There was not one single piece of cardio equipment left when I got there at 5:20 so I had to lift weights for 15 minutes, which I absolutely dread. I guess more people than I know are reading "The Happiness Project." or summer is just around the corner...