Day 23

I am officially 31 years old. Today is my first day of my early thirties. I know all of you reading this that are older are thinking…'oh my gosh, she is so not that old.' Well that is what I hear at the fertility doctor as well. They are always telling me how young I am, it is kind of reassuring. I guess most patients they have are not in their early thirties. I had a wonderful birthday full of friends, family, and food. Julie surprised me at school with a beautiful bunch of lilies, my favorite. Jon had flowers waiting for me at home, I had a birthday dinner with friends at Scotty's and my Facebook was on fire with birthday wishes.

This past week I have had some more time to do research, and explore the internet about infertility. There is so much information. I have found it very funny however, that every blog I have found about infertility ends when the person writing it finally gets pregnant. Most of them have ended somewhere in the 2008 time frame. First off this leads me to two concerns. One, whatever I put or you put on the internet is still out there for everyone to read years after you have given it up. Secondly, is this a journey with such a definite ending that once it is complete you forget about it?

Does the person feel that their dreams have finally come true and they don't want to write about their struggles anymore? I am pretty certain that I will still struggle when and if I ever get pregnant. It will be a different struggle, but my life will not suddenly turn into a bed of roses. I never saw getting pregnant as an ending before, however today I really do believe that. Once you have spent time, money and emotions on such a journey, it has to be a relief when it ends, especially with the ending you have always wanted. I am ready for this journey to end and I am on the front end of things. Regardless this journey has had a few very positive life changing side effects on my relationship with God and my relationship with Jon. These are lessons that I will hold onto long after the end of this struggle.

The one unknown about all of this however is how long we will be in this struggle. How many hours, days, cycles, do I have to count before the end. I got the reminder again today that God is never in a hurry, but always on time. So He knows the time, the place, the moment, my dreams will come true, however when that time comes will I forget about the journey? Will I stop my blog? What will my next struggle be and how did this prepare me for it?