Saturday, June 12, 2010

“Blessing of children”

Jon and I are in Illinois for a wedding this weekend. It is a very dear friend from Butler; we would not have missed it for anything. It was a Catholic wedding. First off I am not very familiar with the Catholic faith, I grew up Lutheran and well, there is sort of a cross town rivalry between the two in Fort Wayne. However, the one thing that hit me over and over was they mentioned at least six maybe seven times that night the "blessing of children." Like it was expected that children would just pop out of thin air the minute you say I do. I know that the Catholic faith has its own views on children, and I am not all that familiar with them, therefore I am just reporting what I heard. But where is the whole, figure out how to be married, enjoy being a family of two, realize that your love for each other is the most important part of a marriage and worry about the kids later.

Now I realize that I am extra sensitive to this topic and maybe no one else even noticed, however I guess it is difficult for me to see and know that a great majority of people still believe that conceiving a child is just an easy, fun, non-stressful task. Get the timing right, plan, pee on a stick and bam you are pregnant. There are so many unplanned, "surprise" children out there how can I be at it for over a year and yet, I don't get that surprise?

My story is nothing like that, and will never be the romantic it was our anniversary, or we went away for the weekend. It will be the; we sat in a fertility clinic for over a year, after the frustration and heartache was too much and you were conceived in a lab. Which does not mean we don't love you any less, it just means that you were wanted desperately and maybe were our last chance at any hope.

I am unsure if I have written this before but the definition of insanity is: trying the same thing over and over again and hoping for or expecting a different result. This could also be the definition of infertility. Every 28 days trying the same thing, and hoping that it will finally work. And you all wonder why I am going insane.