Sunday, July 25, 2010

We are so close

At 7:46 tonight I am done with the shots! YEAH!! I have one last shot that needs to be taken at 7:45 and that is all. The rubbing alcohol, the cotton balls, the red medical waste container, all of it gets put away. So just to update, this past week I went to the doctor almost every day for monitoring and blood work. Yes, they stuck the girl who has no easy veins 6 times since last Monday. I have been on three shots a day for 10 days and my insides are very uncomfortable, tight and crampy, and because of the heat I have had to stay inside this past weekend.

I go on Tuesday to "harvest" my eggs. I am put out for this part. Then we do either a three day embryo transfer next Friday or a five day transfer next Sunday and I am on bed rest for 48 hours after that. And it is over. It is over…… I write those words and then I think, it is never really over. It is still the only thing I think about when I am alone, the only dream I still cling to. I don't even think this journey will be over when I take home a healthy baby. How can such a big part of my life be over?

It is kind of like graduation from college. It was a four year process and then in one day it is over. You have passed that test and you are just waiting for the next one which quite likely could hit that very same day. The hard part is, you look back at college with fond memories. You remember the good parts, you forget the bad and you think those were really the best days of my life. Did you think that when you were living them? When you had to write papers, and figure out math problems that took pages of paper, and student teach.

Will I ever look back on these days and say those really were the best days of my life? I have to believe that I am closer to God than when we started this journey. I am closer to God today that when I started this blog in April. I am closer to Jon. Can I find blessings along this path? Will God bless me like he did Job? Will I be stronger for the next struggle? Will I be ready for the next struggle?


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