Friday, April 30, 2010

Day 9

Today, I took a personal day from school. My kids will understand, they take personal days more often than I do. I have so many thoughts running through my head, ideas I want to document, feelings, costs, procedures, findings, inspirations, however, I am limiting myself to one post a day, one day at a time. Because that is how this journey is, one day at a time for 28 days. I have recently read so many places that going through the infertility cycle is a roller coaster. I felt this way after the first few months, yet had no idea this is what others were feeling. You spend two weeks getting your hopes up and two weeks crashing, and then you secure your seat belt again for another ride. If you are one of the lucky ones, the train behind you if full of supporters, who unfortunately have to ride the same one over and over with you again.

Yesterday, when I was at the library, I picked up my holds to discover that, "The Happiness Project" had come in. I have been on the list for this book maybe four months or so, but it came yesterday. FYI...I am not reading this book because I feel that I need to be happier, of course there are days that you can and do need to feel happier, but that is not the reason I put it on my list. I am reading it because I like to read, it looked good, and why not. But the real question is, why now? Why yesterday did out of the blue the book show up at the library? Quite honestly, I had forgotten that I put it on my list. Is it God, is it the 23 speed readers before me, why did it show up when it did? Again is God speaking to me more or am I searching for him more, or do I even care which? Should I care, or just be grateful?

Either way, I guess it got me out of bed this morning and back to the gym, which is the real reason I have so many thoughts flowing through my head. I think when I am on the treadmill. Sure I listen to Morning Joe (msnbc) and find out what is happening around the world, which is probably more beneficial to me than watching the Today show and seeing the latest makeup colors for spring. Also I know that Jon appreciates it more, when he does not have to explain everything to me about the evening news, and I keep up to date. Morning Joe also starts at 5:30, which is my normal treadmill time, long before the 7:00 am wake-up call of Matt and Meredith.

Anyways, The first chapter of "The Happiness Project" was about energy, and finding more or better physical and mental energy, therefore I think I will be at the treadmill at 5:30 more often than not for the last month of school. I also was listening to Joel Osteen's new book, which was a bit too new ageish and not as much Bibleish as I hoped, but he did have some good inspirational stories, one hit me hard. It was about a man who was preparing for cancer treatment and had to up his white blood cell count. The doctor told him a number and he told him he would have double that. So every day, when most people rested during this period, this man did not. He worked out hard, lifted weights, he prayed, he continued on with more gumption than necessary, because his thinking is that God can do his part, but I have to do mine. Which I know goes 100% against the whole God can do anything, you are saved by grace bit, which I believe and I believe that Joel and this man too believe, however why not give God some help. Sure he doesn't need it, at most times probably does not want my help, but getting in better shape and going back to the gym can't hurt much after the first few days.

PS: By the way, God did answer this mans prayers and he had double the count. The story probably would not have made Joel's book if it had ended any other way, but it does a little provide some much needed inspiration.

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