Going through infertility heightens your consciousness. You are constantly questioning what you say to people and what others say to you. You are more sensitive. You realize that your words are your only form of letting your feelings out. And, that sometimes, your prayers, your voice, do not always express what is in your heart, and that frustrates you.
The next few days will be the good ones, the easy ones, the days between the end of your period and the days before ovulation. You have few days to breath, 4 exactly. You enjoy this time, you may yikes have sex for fun, or just because. Who does that anymore? Every second of the next few days you don't spend worrying.
These are the days of reflection, of realization, of safety. These will be the good days. You make the call to the fertility doctor, discuss your plan for this month, and you are happy. You can laugh, and you think just how precious of a gift that is. A funny story, commercial, television show, you can truly forget for a bit. You can spend a few days not trying to figure out what God is telling you and why He is making you go down this road. But again that is a choice, it is your choice, you can stop the treatment at any time, but the fear of maybe, this might be the month, I have to try this month, creeps in. The fear and the lack of control, that is what kills you.
You know God is listening, he is always listening, you know that. You were told that on Sunday, why do you feel so afraid, so alone, on this journey?